I was delighted to receive a hand painted postcard by Edward Ward through the post. Prints of this are available on request. There are more Italian hotties here.Â
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Category: Aviation
Fighter Website Review #1: The Lockheed Martin F-35 Lightning II
The Lockheed Martin F-35 Lightning II: https://f35.com/
Looks: like a building society or bank website. Ohhh, the header is ribbed like Spiderman’s suit
Language: The two films ‘F-35 in action’ were clearly written by a lunatic. They start like budget action films. A montage of audio news reports is played, reminding us what a big, bad world it is. Words appear on the screen: ‘One mission’..‘protecting freedom’…‘one solution’.. what the hell does that mean? The more you think about it, the less it means.
Everything here
is expressed in
three or four words or short phrases
which are very vague
or meaningless
Then we’re in some kind of mission control centre, where women of all races seem to be watching graphics of F-35s. No idea why, but certainly seems important.
The bizarre, empty series of slogans are high-quality nonsense. My favourite line insists that the F-35 “brings lethality and stealth to the battlefield.†I think it’s fair to say that a battlefield probably has a fair amount of ‘lethality’ before the F-35 turns up. All entrants to a battlefield bring a fair amount of lethality with them. ‘Lethality’ means ‘capable of causing death’, it’s not a very special trait for a military weapon. In fact it’s such a normal trait for a weapon, that when a weapon is non-lethal,  it is specified. I think arms manufacturers just like the term because it sound cool.
Lethality seems to be used as a synonym for invincible.
Lockheed Martin then goes on to describe the F-35 as “A lethal information collectorâ€. I think this one may be a Freudian slip, I Googled it and ‘Lethal Information’ was a hardcore porn film from 2001.
Other words that pop up with regularity in this website are ‘affordable’, ‘survivable’, ‘supportable’ , odd to boast about any of these really, as if a warplane lacked any single one of these characteristics it would be an absolute failure. ‘Affordable’ is the funniest word, as this is an aircraft which has become the second most expensive fighter ever built (based on 2012 prices). The most expensive, the Lockheed Martin F-22 was intended as a no-compromise superfighter, and though its price is quite bananas, it was always considered a top-end fighter. The F-35 on the other hand was conceived as a low-cost option, something it has objectively failed to become. The use of redundant words makes the viewer suspicious. How would Lockheed Martin describe a burger?
The LM Stealth-burger: ‘Edible’ ‘Holdable’ ‘More burger-like than any rival pizza’
The F-35 is the only 5th Generation fighter on the market and makes all previous fighters obsolete. I guess this is the claim. There are several problems with this idea. The first being, that the term ‘5th Generation’ has been defined by Lockheed Martin (not a problem in itself, but…). Here’s their definition:
“5th Generation: The most advanced class of fighters, representing a quantum leap in capability that includes unmatched air-to-air and air-to-ground capability, dominant situational awareness, unprecedented Intelligence, Surveillance, Reconnaissance (ISR), inherent airborne electronic attack and very low observable, all-aspect stealth.â€
Nothing contentious there then…I won’t go into detail as this has been well covered by others, I will just note that the term ‘5th Generation’ is wonderfully amorphous and prone to change depending on what LM is trying to sell. When the F-22 was being defended ‘supercruise’ and ‘supermanoeuvrability’ were prerequisites for entry into this elite club. The F-35 is certainly not ‘super manoeuvrable’, but surprisingly, recent reports suggest it can supercruise.. well sort of. It apparently needs to use reheat to get over Mach 1, then can cruise at Mach 1.2 for 150 miles in dry thrust (I seem to remember LM defining supercruise as being over Mach 1.5 when it was trying to defend the F-22). Another good point, the F-35 is not really now on the market.
Best features: Big, slick and confident, it is an impressive marketing tool. Despite vast failings, the project and the company are quite amazing. I found myself momentarily buying into F-35 after a few videos, all this confidence, all this money, surely it will end up working won’t it?
Weirdest feature: ‘Take Action’ show your support for the F-35 by writing an email to congress (this is an automated feature). “Our nation is currently facing both economic and national security challenges, and the F-35 plays a vital role in addressing both.†!?! This isn’t an endangered whale (well not literally), it’s the biggest, most financially out of control, example of military procurement in history. Quite what ‘national security challenges’ the F-35 is vital in addressing is beyond me, maybe militant Texans are building a top notch integrated air defence system?
Is it up to date? Nope. Check out the following, my comments are in brackets: Â “The F-35 will replace the F-16, F/A-18 (legacy, not Super), EA-6B (for the large part, this is being replaced by the EA-18G) , F-111 (retired by USAF in 1996 and by RAAF in 2010), A-10, AV-8B, Harrier GR.7 (d’ oh!), Sea Harrier (this refers to Britain’s, which were retired in 2006), AMX and Tornado. ”
 Biggest porkie: “This is America’s newest fighter†No. It is nobody’s fighter now, as it can’t fight yet. The biggest porkie, in a whole bucket-load of tricksy statements, is the way the F-35 is treated as if it’s operational and proven.
If you enjoyed this, try ‘A Pacifist’s guide to military aircraft’ or
have a look at the top ten British, French, Australian, Soviet and German aeroplanes. Wanting Something a little more exotic? Try the top ten fictional aircraft.
Notes: According to http://www.fas.org/news/reference/lexicon/del.htm:
lethality is defined as:
“1[DSMC] The probability that weapon effects will destroy the target or render it neutral. 2[DoD] The ability of a munition (or laser, high power microwave, etc.) to cause damage that will cause the loss or a degradation in the ability of a target system to complete its designated mission(s).”
MY FAVOURITE AEROPLANE IN 200 WORDS #32 Pitts Special by Lauren Richardson
I love the Pitts Special – she has taught me more about my own nature and abilities than anything else in life ever has. Demanding and capable, this little beast will talk to you, guide you and help you through – she is almost viceless in the way she handles.
No single aircraft has so easily defined the nature of true fun flying and aerial acrobatics over the years as the iconic Pitts Special. Designed way back in the early 1940s by the American legend, Curtiss Pitts, this little biplane is still competitive in the world of aerobatics, even today!
Donate to the Hush-Kit blog if you love aircraft- buttons above and below.
The Pitts is also something special to all women in aerobatics – look back at the early days with Betty Skelton and Caro Bailey being the very best in what was also the very best aeroplane.
Beautiful and purposeful, carrying a great deal of joyful performance, whatever this aircraft may lack it more than makes up for in character.
With symmetrical wings, the S1S is just as happy to view the world turned upside-down as ‘the right way up’. The world looks very different and perhaps more beautiful when you have to look up to see it.
Â
Lauren Richardson, is Britain’s top female aerobatic pilot. She would love to display for you, offering you an unforgettable glimpse of the powerful and dynamic world in which she operates . Lauren is also the founder of the founder of The Aerobatic ProjectFind out about the latest Hush-Kit articles on Twitter:Â @Hush_kit
Who was Sweden’s flying farm girl?
MY FAVOURITE AEROPLANE IN 200 WORDS #31 Saab JAS 39 Gripen by Joanna Sjölander
I’ve always appreciated machines with plentiful horsepower.
I’ve sighed longingly upon seeing power measured in numbers. Power displayed in courageous designs. I have dreamt about Lamborghinis and Koenigseggs…
…though I usually get more excited about things I can actually get my hands on. So a whole new playground of the mind opened up, when I realised that these objects of desire did not have to be on four wheels: nothing embodied all of these traits better than Gripen.
The more I learned about how it, the more I fell in love. And the more I got involved in its story and shaping its future, the more devoted I was.
My flying experience in Gripen pushed me over the edge forever.
You have no idea how smart and how efficient the design teams at Saab are in their very creative work. As a part of an engineering body, they are constantly calculating and testing the boundaries. In a humble workshop, they sweat away, because they have to. Because there is always limited time, limited resources and limited leverage. But working with limitations is something the Swedes excel at. The result is a handsome beast, with an efficiency that is envied by all. But only a lucky few get to truly enjoy it.
Joanna Sjölander, a dedicated Gripen fan and once in a lifetime Gripen pilot
Coming soon to Hush-Kit, Joanna describes her fantastic Gripen flight in detail.
If you enjoyed this, you may get a thrill from this love letter to Swedish aeroplanes or this Viggen tribute.
Find out about the latest Hush-Kit articles on Twitter: :Â @Hush_kit
MY FAVOURITE AEROPLANE IN 200 WORDS #30: Aero 45 by Kevan Vogler
The Aero 45 is as much art as it is aircraft. How can I explain this Czechoslovakian aeroplane? Here is an amorphous, yet beautiful, thing that confounds simple description. In profile the Art Deco fuselage, with its arching roof, and flat belly, appears dolphin-like. Yet from the front, the large cabin windows give it an almost arthropodic or insect-like appearance. When viewed from above or below, it takes on the form of yet another animal; the long, narrow wings give it the look of a graceful, soaring shorebird.
The elegant Aero 45 was Czechoslovakia’s first aircraft after the German occupation had ended. The aircraft was a clear and bold statement that the small country’s aviation sector was ready to reclaim its pre-war glories, that it had lost none of its ability to produce a world-class aircraft.
There is true harmony in the design of this aircraft and in all of its equally gorgeous descendents. Every airframe element fits smoothly with the next and there is not a sloppy line or compromise to be seen. The designer clearly intended for the air to embrace this design to the utmost, and it’s difficult to see a spot on it where the air would not do just that.
Kevan ‘Pickled Wings’ VoglerÂ
 You’d be a fool not to enjoy his wonderful blog ‘Pickled Wings‘
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Antonov An-2: Two Wings Good
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If George Orwell had cast Animal Farm using aeroplanes instead of farm animals, he might well have picked the Antonov An-2 to play the part of Boxer the horse.
OK, the An-2 first flew in 1947, two years after the publication of Orwell’s satire, and a novel in which anthropomorphic aircraft take over an airport would be pretty silly, but you get the idea. Like Boxer, the An-2 is huge (the biggest single-engined biplane in the world), tough, strong, a little slow, and the perfect allegory for the Soviet worker.
You can easily imagine the An-2 adopting Boxer’s personal motto and one-stop solution to every problem: “I will work harder”. It gives and gives and gives, and when it finally gives out, like Orwell’s carthorse, from injury or overwork, pulling the stick all the way back will put it into a downward glide, bringing its pilot safely back to earth. Faithful to the end.
The late 1940s and early 1950s were a period of change and growth for the USSR, as the Eastern Bloc was established and Europe went from postwar to Cold War. The Soviet Union was eager to push for progress, exploding its first nuclear device in 1949 and throwing itself into aviation and space programmes. In this forward-looking environment, the biplane, propeller-driven An-2 looks decidedly retro. Yet its simplicity, ruggedness and reliability made it ideal for its role in transport and agriculture.
In this new age, farming still accounted for a large proportion of the USSR’s economy and exports, not to mention surface area. It is, of course, a coincidence that the An-2 first flew in the year of what would be the last major famine experienced by the USSR – I can’t credit a humble cropduster with that much improvement – but a coincidence laden with symbolism.
The postwar USSR wasn’t all about farming and cosmonauts, however. Unlikely though it sounds, the An-2 had a part to play in both the Korean and Vietnamese wars. This mostly involved artillery spotting and transport, although there were a few reported incidents of An-2s firing in anger. This tended not to end well for the peacenik biplane.
The terrain covered by the Soviet Union and its territories was varied, and even the geographical terms are exotic: tundra, taiga, steppe. The An-2 lapped up the extremes of temperature and surface. It was adaptable to other roles: some were given skis or floats, others converted to firefighting waterbombers. Wilder experiments included an ekranoplan (wing in ground effect) version and a proposed turbojet-powered VTOL model.
The late 1980s brought glasnost and the fall of the Berlin Wall, and in 1991 the Soviet Union was dissolved. The An-2 survived the regime which gave birth to it, continuing to operate not only in the former USSR but as far afield as Africa and Canada. Some of them, like Animal Farm‘s Napoleon the pig, have even succumbed to the lure of capitalism; a few years ago one example could be spotted in red and yellow livery, advertising margarine.
More than 18,000 of these chunky biplanes were built, including those produced, and still in production, under licence in China. Marx and Lenin envisaged an inevitable process which would lead to the whole world’s embracing Communism. Their vision may not have come to pass, but the An-2 continues to bring power to the people wherever it goes.
Alice Dryden writes at alice.dryden.co.uk about aeroplanes, motorbikes, karate, pyjamas and cute animals.
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Hush-Kit Top Ten: The ten best-looking biplanes
 
The age of the biplane was short, less than thirty years. A blink in history. But, the biplane has seared itself onto the collective imagination.
Few good ideas disappear forever in aviation, and it is possible that the biplane will return, this time reborn as a wing for supersonic airliners. Qiqi Wang, an assistant professor of aeronautics and astronautics at MIT  has been studying the work of 1950s German aerodynamicist Adolf Busemann. Busemann proposed using a delta biplane to cancel out supersonic shockwaves, so the aircraft did not produce a sonic boom. Wang believes that with today’s technology this idea can be made to work. So, our children may fly to New York on biplane Concordes. In the meantime, let’s look at some fruity biplanes!
10. Bucker Bu 131 ( more on German aeroplanes here )
9. Beech Staggerwing
4.  Avia B.534
3. Curtiss R3C-4
1. Gloster IV ( more on this aircraft here )
If you enjoyed this, have a look at the top ten British, French, Swedish, Australian,  Soviet and German aeroplanes. Wanting Something a little more exotic? Try the top ten fictional aircraft.
Follow my vapour trail on Twitter:Â @Hush_kit
Hush-Kit Top Ten: The ten best-looking American airplanes
In choosing the ten best-looking US airplanes, where should you begin? Some aircraft are very beautiful in the real world, but are not so photogenic. The Constellation is wonderful in reality, but looks awkwardly hump-backed in pictures. The F-15 has enormous presence and dynamic lines, but something in the way its sections fit together, give its overall shape a lack of coherency. Several of the aircraft selected have beautifully curvy lines, particularly the sensuous Panther and ‘Moonbat’. The B-1B should be viewed at dawn, when its aquatic body and intelligent face give it an exotic, almost temple-like grace. Some US aircraft are pure Roger Ramjet- these unapologetically brash, flag-waving lunatics are a world of fun, and are typified by the likes of the B-58 Hustler and XB-70 Valkyrie. The Lockheed Electra Junior, the third star of Casablanca, is perfection. I hope you enjoy my selection, I’m sure you won’t agree with all my choices, but no doubt your favourite (or favorite) would have made it in, had I space for eleven.
Once we had made our selection, we sought a second opinion. It would have been too easy to get an expert to describe the aeroplanes. So instead, we turned to a non-expert, in fact we turned to a Hip-Hop musician/croupier/sound engineer named George, to assess our top ten.
10. Northrop YB-35
 George: “This would look cool with jet engines, but those propellers make it look goofy and it has a face like a gerbil (if you put any adjective before the word gerbil it immediately becomes the voice of Jeremy Clarkson, believe me I tried). I imagine the aeroplane factory had a bunch of leftovers lying around and cobbled them into this. Wings aren’t generally the best looking bits of planes. This is the aviation equivalent of one of those internal conjoined twins that is surgically removed and is a wad of flesh, teeth and hair.”
9. North American XB-70 Valkyrie
George: “Boring. Looks like it’s from an 80s kids cartoon. where the animators wanted a plane that would be quick and easy to make Koreans draw again and again. This is probably piloted by two children and a magical comedy creature, is featured heavily in the title sequence but is hardly ever in the actual show. Reeks of disappointment and broken dreams. White should be a cool colour for an aeroplane but to me it looks like a plastic fork.“
8. McDonnell XP-67 ‘Moonbat’
George: “Seems to be very pretty but maybe because it looks like there’s Vaseline smeared on the lens, show me another angle in HD. It’s like watching that old grainy porno of Marilyn Monroe, kind of sexy but there’s always the knowledge that you’re wanking over an unhappy dead woman.”
7. Grumman F9F Panther
George: “It’s got a bum like a dolphin, nature’s smartest and most fuckable mammal. The colour scheme is like a shiny pair of Nikes and the livery is tastefully understated. It also looks surprisingly good sitting on the tarmac which usually knocks a good few points off a plane’s attractiveness. This is the warplane to pick up a date in.”
6. Convair B-58 Hustler
George: “It’s got clown make-up and it’s carrying a rolled up circus tent. Also the name Hustler. Type that into Google images while your boss or spouse is watching.“
5. Rockwell B-1B Lancer
George: “This plane looks terrifying. Which I suppose is a good thing for a warplane. Its nose has barbs on it like a flesh burrowing parasite or a cat’s penis. I would not call this plane good-looking. Unless you think cat’s penises are good looking. Which I generally don’t.“
4. Lockheed 12A Electra Junior
George: “Again a bit of a squinty clown face. I think if you saw this plane on the ground it’d be nothing special but the photo make it look nice. Like the menu at a Welcome Break. I bet at least one person aboard this aircraft beats his wife. Different times, but still.”
 3. Convair F-106 Delta Dart
George: “Yes I like this. Arrowhead windshield, triangle wings and pinched waist. Looks like it was designed by a committee of 10 year old boys, but that is by no means a bad thing. Also isn’t that the exact same colour scheme as the rebel forces in ‘The Empire Strikes Back‘? “
2. North American P-51 Mustang
George: “Ugh no! These are so fugly they have to paint distracting childish nonsense on them. One of them is called Scat VI which is a decent film, but not as good as Scat I through V and definitely not good enough to name a plane after. The air intakes look like flappy doggy dicks and the whole thing is a mess of straight lines and uninspiring curves. Also, either these planes are tiny or they’re only flown by men with big fat bobble-heads. A plane designed to be flown by the young and the lithe, now exclusively flown by the old and the fat.”
1. Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird
George: “I completely agree. Looks dangerous, without looking brutal. Nimble without looking fragile. Monstrous engines that look integral to the airframe. Long curves with that angular cockpit. I’ve never seen an unflattering angle of this thing. Plus being unencumbered with ugly weaponry helps.“
George’s score of our Top Ten:Â Â 4/10
Must try harder.
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 If you enjoyed this, have a look at the top ten British, French, Swedish, Australian, Soviet and German aeroplanes. Wanting Something a little more exotic? Try the top ten fictional aircraft.
“If you have any interest in aviation, you’ll be surprised, entertained and fascinated by Hush-Kit – the world’s best aviation blogâ€. Rowland White, author of the best-selling ‘Vulcan 607’
I’ve selected the richest juiciest cuts of Hush-Kit, added a huge slab of new unpublished material, and with Unbound, I want to create a beautiful coffee-table book. Pre-order your copy now right here Â
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From the cocaine, blood and flying scarves of World War One dogfighting to the dark arts of modern air combat, here is an enthralling ode to these brutally exciting killing machines.
The Hush-Kit Book of Warplanes is a beautifully designed, highly visual, collection of the best articles from the fascinating world of military aviation –hand-picked from the highly acclaimed Hush-kit online magazine (and mixed with a heavy punch of new exclusive material). It is packed with a feast of material, ranging from interviews with fighter pilots (including the English Electric Lightning, stealthy F-35B and Mach 3 MiG-25 ‘Foxbat’), to wicked satire, expert historical analysis, top 10s and all manner of things aeronautical, from the site described as:
“the thinking-man’s Top Gear… but for planes”.
The solid well-researched information about aeroplanes is brilliantly combined with an irreverent attitude and real insight into the dangerous romantic world of combat aircraft.
FEATURING
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- Engaging Top (and bottom) 10s including: Greatest fighter aircraft of World War II, Worst British aircraft, Worst Soviet aircraft and many more insanely specific ones.
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The book will be a stunning object: an essential addition to the library of anyone with even a passing interest in the high-flying world of warplanes, and featuring first-rate photography and a wealth of new world-class illustrations.
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Great front cover: The Wonder Book of the RAF
MY FAVOURITE AEROPLANE IN 200 WORDS #29: BAC Jet Provost
Like me, I’m sure that many youngsters with an aviation interest grew up dreaming of flying the fast jets.  Also like me, I’ll wager that many never stopped long to think about the learning involved in flying those fast jets. I didn’t give it much thought until I spent time at RAF Linton-on-Ouse, where I met, and fell in love with, the Jet Provost, or ‘Jay Pee’ as she is forever to be known. Pleasing to the eye and a joy to fly, the JP was a product of the heyday of British aviation. It was a development of the piston-engined Provost, and one of the final designs from Hunting Percival Aircraft, before the company became part of the powerful British Aircraft Corporation (BAC).
First flown in 1954 she trained thousands of future front line pilots and I have yet to meet a JP pilot, either past or present, who doesn’t enjoy flying with her. She was so popular with pilots that a weapons capable version was developed, called the Strikemaster. Sadly the type was retired in 1993 but many found their way into the hands of civilian pilots. Most are privately owned and sometimes are displayed at airshows. If you ever get an offer to fly in one, take it!
Lorne ‘Moth’ Murphy, pilot and photographerÂ
See Moth’s blog here
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